Making Better Love Choices
Being successful in dating whilst being a wonderful and confident parent is very rewarding but how do we make those better love choices?...
Kissing a fool
The first encounter we have as single parents when we are looking for a partner is acknowledging that 'I' is now 'We': you and your children. When we first looked for love, we were looking for a handsome, pretty and kind partner for that "happy ever after" fairy tale.
That fairy tale has turned out differently, so our search is now hoping to find someone to fall in love with us and our children. In today’s society is that possible? Does it ever really happen? Are those fairy stories actually a vision of what the future really was going to hold for us: wicked step mothers and fathers, young children and teenagers feeling isolated and locked in the tower surrounded by broken promises?
Balancing act
The harsh reality it is in fact very hard to sustain a healthy relationship when you have children. The blended family is on the increase and they are the most difficult to sustain, as it is almost impossible to meet everybody’s needs and create harmony. Of course, we do hear of successful blended families that have come through some very hard times but in contrast I have seen devoted fathers completely abandon their children fearing that they could not watch another man bring up his children. I have seen men cry as they drop children home after their weekend visit, with the step fathers car in the driveway that used to be their home, a home that he built with his very own hands.
One pitfall of a blended family is money: Your new partner is likely to find themselves spending more on your children's hobbies, travel, uniforms, etc than they do on you. This can be hard if it feels like they are someone else's children.
What about the children?
I know of families where if there is more than one child, the step parent can take a dislike to one, and so life becomes hard for that child. I have seen first-hand the behaviour of children that are facing this, living with a step parent and then going to visit the absent parent and facing another step parent... All these people have different parenting skills, different rules , different social lives and family commitments. Have you ever really sat down and thought about this? Maybe now is a good time?
We can so easily become so concerned about finding our happy ever after that we sometimes forget about our children. We are at risk of creating a world where our children grow up to have no self-worth, make really bad decisions concerning their choice of partner and this cycle will go on. What legacy would you like to leave?
Start making better love choices identifying who we are and what we really want in a partner. Many people dismiss potential partners based on looks and materialistic trappings but these things do not define who that person is. When you first start dating someone it can be up to six months before the social mask comes down and then the real person emerges and by then it can be too late. You could end up falling in love and kissing a fool.
And so the secret and magic lies in identifying making better love choices, not rushing headlong into a relationship for the sake of it in fear of being left on your own, finding someone that is totally compatible in every way, this is when the struggle will end, this is when harmony will exist and this is where the fairy tale begins...
contributed by the Dating Guru Teresa Welch
About Teresa
Having found myself suddenly single after my 11 year marriage ended in divorce 18 years ago, I was left holding the babies. My son was just 3 and my daughter was only 1. After the initial shock and feelings of abandonment subsided the fickle finger of fate came in to play. Since the birth of my daughter I had not worked and so it became evident that if I was going to provide security I would have to gain employment. My career had always been in sales, predominately estate agents.
I secured a position working for one of the largest introduction agencies in the UK. This was in the days before the internet dating craze, and dating agencies were a bit of a stigma. Needless to say over the last 18 years my toes have been firmly dipped in the sometimes muddy waters of dating, helping others find a life partner and experiencing first-hand the problems that face single parents in their search for their heart's desire. My personal journey at times has been on smooth seas but more often than not the ferocious sea has crashed against the rocks. But I know smooth seas do not make a skilful sailor.
Having been a spectator and seen first-hand the mistakes we can all make with lessons learned my life now ebbs and flows, I am still learning but more importantly listening. My vision is to create a platform to highlight the difficulties that face single parents, and help everyone identify what they are really looking for in a potential partner… By taking control of their boat and sailing on calm seas and being successful in dating whilst being a wonderful and confident parent to have happy and healthy relationship’s as blended families.
You may also want to see our Dating Again and Internet Dating articles.